The Story File

You guys will never believe what happened to me.

So, it started out as an average day in Madison, W.I.: cows, cheese, snow, nothing out of the ordinary. The chain of events started when my phone broke. This wasn't like the last time where it "broke" and I was freaking out and telling everyone, and then I charged it. My phone legitimately would not turn on and it was fully charged. I decided to take a trip to the Apple store.

I was on a time crunch, so I immediately called a cab. I had an hour and a half before a meeting with the Journalism advisor. The cab company said they would take 15 minutes to get to the AX house (the O got stolen. I have a theory it was Myles because he's the only guy in Madison who could reach the top of the house). The cab took 25 minutes. I was freaking.

The driver strikes up a conversation with me about the weather and somehow brings up that he used to drive in NYC and once drove George Clooney to a hotel. So naturally, I ask if he has George's autograph on him and if he would give it to me. Surprisingly, he didn't. But he DID have a novel George was reading and left in the cab, with his markings in it. It also just so happened that he brought it to the union cab office center place to show one of his coworkers that day because a conversation about GC had come up the day before. Ridiculous, I know.

The cab driver and I got to talking for a while. He kept laughing with me (it was actually at me but I'll pretend like it was with me) and said I was a pretty charming girl. So, I obviously took this opportunity to ask if he can be my driver on the way home and pick me up at exactly 4:30. I also asked if he could go to the union cab office center place and get the novel. He said if he has no one else to drive, he would.

I now had 40 minutes to fix my phone and get to the Journalism office. I run into the mall and fall on my face in the crowded food court, where maybe 150 people start clapping. The woman behind the Chocolate Shoppe stand/booth/whatever you call the "restaurants" in the food court said she would give me free ice cream because I was so embarrassed. Sweet girl. Anyway, I take my ice cream and happily make my way to the Apple store. As I walk in, I swing my arm into an iTouch stand and the iTouch falls out of the case onto the floor and breaks.

An employee approaches me and gives me the option to pay for it or to pay for the cost of fixing it, so I start to cry. He felt bad so he said he would fix my phone for free if it was not a big problem. Well, my friends, he held the power button and lock button at the same time which is the "force turn on" button, and my phone turned on. I was now crying of happiness and decided to celebrate and got another ice cream. I had 20 minutes to get home so I run outside and the cab wasn't there. I called union cab and they said Stan (the cab driver) was on his way.

10 minutes later, Stan arrives and I'm flustered. Stan asks me what's wrong and I start venting about the fact that I had to pay for an iTouch that I didn't want to buy and and that I had to make it to a Journalism meeting in 10 minutes and I couldn't be late. Stan said, "I have something to cheer you up," and whips out the novel. Can you guys believe George Clooney was reading "Up in the Air?" I would think that he knew the plot line.

I was distracted from my anxiety with this golden treasure. What happens then? The cab putters and Stan pulls to the side. Stan turns around and looks apologetic. "What's wrong, Stan?" I ask. "The car battery died," he informs me. Well let me tell you, I was not happy with Stan. I start crying again and he felt so bad that he did not make me pay, called another cab, and GAVE ME THE NOVEL TO KEEP. Yes, friends. I own George's novel with his little markings in the margins.

The cab shows up relatively quickly since we were not that far, but I was 15 minutes late. I run into the building and see that the Journalism office is closed and locked. BUGGER. So I go home, turn on the computer, and check my email. I see that I have a notification from Schwoch (the Journalism advisor). "Can't make it to the meeting, Alex. Something came up. I'm sorry but I have to postpone."

And then pigs flew.

The Bully File

You know you go to UW-Madison when a 4' 5" girl (I may be exaggerating, yet who am I to talk?) comes into your room and yells at you because you’re not out at 9:45 p.m.

Nicole (or as I like to call her, Nicky, because she hates it): “You’re a nancy!”

Me: “Whyyy?”

Nicky: “Look at you right now. It’s Friday night at 9:45. You’re under the covers. Motionless. Talking about diet coke.* Your retainer is right here. I’m surprised it’s not in your mouth.”

Listen, Nicole (responding now with what I couldn’t think of back then - 2 minutes ago), I'M TIRED. I know, it s great comeback - it DID take me a couple of minutes to think of it.

So, in retrospect, it probably didn’t help that I was laughing so hard that I immediately took my computer out and started blogging what she said. 
“Blogging. Now we’re having fun!” she said - pretty sarcastically, if you ask me. Which by the way, is interesting, considering she actually has "The Voj Files" bookmarked on her computer.

Well, guys, I did end up going out. Being bullied around by someone that size is not fun. I would know. We’re a feisty species.

I want to add a side note: Did you know that Facebook chat doesn’t recognize the word Facebook? Pretty weird, huh?

Oh, and shout-out to Emily Kesner, love ya girl. Adam don’t make fun of me. Speaking of whom, Adam, I miss you! Find out when I can come to Duke.

*I may have a diet coke addiction problem.

The My Big Fat Persian/Israeli Family File

As you all know, or should know, I’m Persian. My dad is the head of the Persian Mafia (so don’t mess), and my whole family is a bunch of Persians. Now, I’ll admit, I don’t know the language. I know some words, phrases and numbers 1-10, so I string them all together so people think I’m fluent. For example, if someone asks me to speak Farsii (which is the Persian language), I will say something like “man haile, cherah aziat miconi, choobi, yak doe se.” This means “I like why are you bothering me okay one two three.” And they’ll be impressed. Of course it’s not written like that. Farsii doesn’t use the English alphabet, but I am trying to make a point.

I was joking about my dad being the head of the Persian mafia by the way - or was I?

What Persian men do on Friday nights..or at least the men in my family

Anyway, what inspired that little rant is that I went home for the weekend for my second cousin’s wedding. So, not only were all my first cousins home, but my second cousins from Israel and California, and some of my family that lives in Canada. A little background:I have eight first cousins on my mom’s side, four of whom I’m really close to and see around twice a week when I’m home. They’re all a little older than me, aged somewhere in between 21-and 24-years-old. They, along with my brother and I, are referred to by our aunts, uncles and parents as the “Six Pack.” We’re cool, I know. Anyway, I’m kind of like the black sheep of the six of us, as I get made fun of by them ALL THE TIME. I kind of see a pattern between them and everyone else in my life. But, it’s ok. If I got embarrassed easily, I would never leave my room.

To show you what I deal with, I’ll explain how they went to town on my blog. All weekend.

Adam (my brother) mocking my blog: “Hey guys! Why do you read my blog? Shout-out to Aaron for being so cool. Today I went to the cafeteria. Shout out to Jeremy who’s reading this on a different schedule. I went to class. Shout out to Emily who is in Sevilla. I hope you’re having a great time. Speaking of time, there was a time when I saw Aaron today. Shout-out to Aaron again!”

Delilah (my cousin) mocking my blog: “Today, my friend got a fake ID. Instead of telling me he got a fake ID, he said “Chika Chika Yeah.” I laughed. I would have thought it was funny with one chika but he threw in two chika’s for good measure.”

Alex (my cousin): “When you wrote in your last post ‘I don’t know why you guys read my blog?’ I was thinking ‘I don’t know why, either.’”

So, yeah. That’s what I deal with. This happened on the way to THE city (yes, THE city- and im not talking about Chicago), where my cousins, brother and I were going to have dinner together and then meet up with my Israeli second cousins at a lounge for drinks. In retrospect (and at the time), we realized it’s not the best idea to wing where you’re going to go to dinner in NYC on a Saturday night. Not only that, but we all wanted different types of food. So to decide, we first all tried to vote on what type of food we wanted. Yeah, that didn’t work. Then we told my cousin Delilah who lives in the city to throw out names of restuarants around where we were. She buckled under the pressure. Adam called Maxi, a sports bar, to figure out if we could get a table. They said “we do not have a table available” and Adam responded with “when will you do have a table available?”

After dinner, we headed to the lounge. After Daniellah’s 14th attempt to parallel park, we went inside and I had the best time. I hadn’t seen my second cousins in a while and it was good times. I miss and love them, and couldn’t wait for the wedding.

At the wedding ceremony, I was reminded of the last wedding of their’s we went to, when they played live music, song after song, and my cousin Daniellah and I were getting antsy. As the sixth song starts playing, Dani goes “this is track 6 out of 19. This song is called ‘Why?’ or in Farsii ‘Cherah?”

Dancing, drinking, taking the camera away from my mom, it was a lot of fun. Oh, and interesting people; this waiter came up to me and Delilah and said, "So i hear this is a pretty crazy party" and when my cousin responded with "I don't think I know what you mean," he said "sex, drugs." Nope, definitely didnt know what he meant. But I'm pretty sure he was the one lighting it up, not us.

I’m happy I went home and miss them all already.

The Weekend File

I was thinking the other day (I'll give you a minute to climb back onto the chair you just fell off), and I'm not quite sure why you guys read my blog. I'm in Madison, in the midst of cow-loving, cheese enthusiasts. Sure UW-Madison is a crazy college town filled with fun people and good times, but it's not like I'm eating this apparently amazing cheese in France (hey, Jonah and Jon!), walking on cobble-stoned streets in Italy (what-up, Becca?), trying to book travel plans and giving the wrong passport information in Sevilla (miss you, Eck!), surfing in 96-degree weather in South Africa (told you I read your blog, Jeremy), giving London a "stern talking to" (Z Mills), or live in ZBT where anything and everything goes (Z Richards, how you doinn?). So, I just want to thank everyone for reading this, especially the one or two people I didn't force to ;).

So what's been going on lately? Well, on Thursday night, I went on an adventure to the movie theatre (and when I say adventure, that's no exaggeration). Mickey and I thought it would be a great idea to buy wine at the theatre, being the sophisticated college students we are. Turns out, not such a good idea. For those of you who know me, I'm a one and done kind of girl, and let's just say I was trying to find the bathroom in the theatre, got lost and ended up at the bank across the street.

On Friday, my birthright trip had a reunion, where Noah and I kicked some tush at beerpong (and by kick some tush, I mean we won by a cup) and four of our friends on our trip from San Diego came to visit. I miss you guys, come back.

(Game winning shot...not really, but shot at some point in the game)

On Saturday, Alyssa and I went on a date to Tutto Pasta and then went to Zeebs and left with everyone to the Purim ball at Zander's. It was so much fun and I was witness to a few relationships sprouting - Purim just brings people together. Danny Solarz got sour cream on his shoe and it just blew his mind, as he would not stop talking about it for the next two hours. I've heard of crazier things but hey, to each his own.

On Sunday, my "little" gave me a gorgeous paddle that looks like snow. If you guys have problems envisioning it (although I have a pretty dead on description), here you go:

And on Sunday night, Alyssa, Joel, Benny Ginsberg (shout-out to Benny, a really cool and hilarious freshman), and I ate Gino's for dinner. Joel, Alyssa, and I were supposed to go pick it up and Benny's only responsibility was to order it. Turns out, he ordered four spaghetti bologneses under the name Vladimir, a 300-pound Russian. We had to explain to the waiter that Vlad was hungry. Very hungry.

And now, I just want to take this moment to shout-out to one of my really good friends and the craziest girl I know (seriously, if you guys only knew the stories. Actually, I'm sure many of you do), Jake-qui Black. She's my little mashugannah (that's how Jonah told me to spell this word - not sure if he was joking), and I found the cutest picture of her when she was in high school. And by "I found," I mean she literally searched for a picture herself and asked me to put it on my blog.

That's all for now! See you back here soon! (Or, at least that's what I'm telling myself.)